My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
