i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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