Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
