Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
