okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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