i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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