we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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