Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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