I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
