i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
