After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just come out here and I will go home with you...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
