you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
