im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
