He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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