You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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