I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
