Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
