Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
