He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
