how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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