I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
only you would photoshop your dick
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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