with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
