You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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