Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
