if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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