I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
