i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
