My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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