Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
