I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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