Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Congratulations! We have a period
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
