Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
