dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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