Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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