Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
