I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
