my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
