The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
