you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
