i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
