they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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