About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
