he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
