Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
