respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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