I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
