I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
