Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
