If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
