You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
