Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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