There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
